Well it's been years since I've blogged.  YEARS.  But today feels like a good day to start again.  Writing is a way that I encourage myself while encouraging others.  At least that is my goal.
Awaiting God's Best started when we were waiting to adopt from China but God had other plans for us.
Now I find myself waiting again.  This time in quarantine with the gifts I had prayed for in years past.  Those gifts are loud and rambunctious and exhausting!

Our community is shut down due to this pandemic we are ALL experiencing.  And while most of my facebook posts will be full of "Look! This is a great idea!" and "Look!  This is what we're doing today." Today is not one of those days.  Today I am feeling the tightness in my chest.  I notice it when I take a breath and that breath hurts and requires work to draw the air in.  It's not so bad that I can't ignore it most of the time.  I know what it is even though I haven't voiced my concerns outloud nor entertained them in my own head.
Anxiety.
Yep, I know her well.  But she is not my friend.  She distracts me.  She focuses on what's wrong in my world instead of what's right.  She worries about things both real and imagined. She steals from me- time, energy, joy.
I do get to choose whether I listen to her.  And I do get to choose what to do when I'm feeling this way.  Today I forfeited outdoor activities with my family (which I LOVE) in exchange for some alone time (which I desperately NEED.)
The truth is I'm worried about the same things everyone else is worried about even if I haven't given it a voice. And I believe most of my concerns are valid.  But I will not allow them to rule me.
1.  I know God knows my first day on this earth as well as the last and I know He is with me every day in between.
2.  Even when life is scary and unpredictable, He is reassuring.  He is peace.  He knows the way because He IS the way.
3.  I choose to Trust Him.
So today I will get some sunshine, remind myself of what is TRUE and breathe. I will acknowledge how I'm feeling and then I will move forward.  It's ok to not have it all together at all times- even though I wish I did.
It's ok to be vulnerable- even though I'd rather not.
It's ok to find some alone time even though/especially since I'm surrounded by loud and rambunctious boys.
I will look back at this time as a treasured time even if some days are hard